Everything for a reason

At last! Finally! I find something to post on my 99% blog!

So I have gone through a slight hiccup in the Finding of my Soul Mate process. Or in other words, last night, Potential New Man called me and dumped me.

Before I found Kabbalah I would have fallen in to a pit of depression at this news - and to begin with, I did join the ranks of the rejected and dejected and felt a bit sorry for myself. But this only lasted an hour or so, after which I decided to look at things Kabbalistically.

I had only two dates with Potential New Man (who will now be known as Soulmate Lesson No 1 - SLN1) and as per my usual behaviour, I analysed every word, every action, everything we talked about - trying to find out what his Values and Direction were in order to see how they matched with mine. He was very keen, honest and open. He was - and still is - a nice guy. We talked a lot about Kabbalah - in fact, the conversation during our two brief dates was continually pulled towards Kabbalah, much as I tried to divert it. I found that he was questioning my beliefs a lot - especially with things like "but how do you know that x works?" and "you have to be careful not to get sucked in to these things" (given his experience of being sucked in to a personal development company - I tried to explain that Kabbalah wasn't the same as Landmark but maybe he will digest that information later).

Anyway, last night he called and said "I've been thinking about you and me, specifically around what you said about values and direction, and although I absolutely melt whenever I see you, I know that I am looking for someone who is financially secure and that sooner or later that will come between us"
So there was a backhanded compliment, if ever I heard it. On the one hand, having an energy that makes this man weak at the knees, but on the other being seen as a bit of a burden on the financial front.

But after a brief period of getting over the surprise of being dumped, I switched on my spiritual head and opened myself up to one question:

If everyone comes in to your life for a reason, why did he come in to mine?

And I can't say that I truly have the answer - it could be a number of reasons.
Firstly, it could be that I still do not love myself as I am, in my current situation, to feel equal with somebody who is earning more money than I am or already established in doing something that I want to do.
Secondly, it could be my own fear of lack of money that is raising its ugly head. I need to address that one.
Thirdly, it could be a lesson on practising what I preach. I was tempted to send him a humorus and friendly email which included the words "life isn't about money, it's about unconditional love" and then I thought 'Was I judging him on how much he earned?' Guilty as charged.

It could be all manner of things and maybe the message needs to be repeated to become clearer. All the same, I feel remarkably calm. Happy, even.

And to reverse the psychology a little - I came in to his life for a reason too. Now that's interesting.

I may see him around the Kabbalah centre in the future (possibly at the Business Gym breakfast meetings) and he wants to keep things friendly - and so do I. I feel lucky that he was so honest so early on and I also feel thankful that one of us noticed a difference in our values and direction before much time passed. (And for that reason, I am also grateful for the 'Spiritual Rules of Engagement' book, without which I would never have talked about 'Values and Direction' and would still be muddling through and making far more mistakes).

And tonight I might possibly see him at Ceroc. And perhaps this is a little un-Kabbalah, but there is something very exciting in knowing that out of all of the men I dance with, I will be driving at least one of them wild.

And I guess for that reason, added to his honesty and restriction, I respect him all the more.